I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
