The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
