last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
