How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The uberlube is also flammable
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
