I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
