He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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