I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
