carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
