Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
