I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
