I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
