This dress was meant to end up on your floor
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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