I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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