I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
