this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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