easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
