when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You left your phone here
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