where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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