Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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