You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
