Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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