shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
