There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
