Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
