anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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