so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
