We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
