I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
