We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
