i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
