youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
