just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
