Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
