she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So. Much. Porn.
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