Cold hands, warm shart.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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