Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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