Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
