I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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