sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
