two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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