I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
