you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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