the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My vagina just clenched in fear
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
