I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
