I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
