remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
