in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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