Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
