why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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