Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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