So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
