I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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